Hai, semuanya.
Senang bisa menulis di sini lagi.
Singkat cerita, setelah post terakhir gue, gue dapat
masuk ke SMA yang gue banggakan. SMA Negeri 1 Kota-----. Gue amat senang, tapi
lumayan sedih karena harus pisah dengan teman-teman yang gue sayangi.
Okay, well, let's change the topic.
Dalam hidup, akan ada masanya dimana kita bahagia.
Bahagia, senang, gembira atas segala sesuatu yang mengisi hidup kita. Seakan
kita tak mau kehilangan secuilpun momen bahagia itu.
Kebalikannya, akan ada pula momen dimana kita
terpuruk. Masa-masa kelam yang menekan batin dan pikiran kita. Dimana kita
butuh pertolongan untuk menghadapi masa ini. Seakan kita tak ingin mengingat
dan tak ingin secuilpun momen ini terjadi lagi.
Dan, here i am, menghadapi masa kelam gue,
yang entah keberapa.
Hari ini, gue sedang mengawali liburan semester ganjil
gue dengan membuka LINE dan menggulir newsfeed. Gue sedang berantem
dengan salah satu teman gue, dan gue lelah. Dan karena gue malas bertele-tele
lagi, gue menemukan salah satu post dari akun Sarcasm Only yang
benar-benar ngena, like ngena banget ke gue.
Yap, itu.
Gue gak tahu kenapa waktu pertama kali gue baca itu
post, gue cuma bengong. Bukan, bukan karena gue kagak tahu artinya. Tapi karena
gue ngerasa...ngena. Well, harus gue akui, gue gak tahu maknanya.
MAKNA. Maksudnya gue gak ngerti, "worth it" dalam hal apa? Begitu
pertanyaan dalam pikiran gue. Tapi anehnya, kok gue merasa ngena dan jleb
banget padahal gue gak ngerti makna quotes itu.
Gak mau ambil pusing, gue bergegas browsing Google
dangan keyword yang sama, 'Realize that some people aren't
worth it anymore'.
Di sana gue banyak menemukan post gambar-gambar
quotes, dan gue menemukan salah satu website yang memuat
penjelasan mengenai itu dengan jelas. Dan lengkap.
Gue bukalah website yang bernama thoughtcatalog.com itu.
Post ini ditulis oleh Mica
Trinidad, dengan judul post, "Some People Just Aren't Worth It
Anymore".
Berikut isi post-nya.
"I can honestly say I am a nice and genuine person. I’m
a people pleaser, which is one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I didn’t
realize my importance and self-worth until one day; I woke up and said to
myself, “Some people just aren’t worth it anymore.” I’m sick and tired of
getting up every day living my life for other people.
I helped people who didn’t deserve my help. I
tolerated people who didn’t deserve my patience. I listened to people who
didn’t deserve my attention. I shared what I had to people who didn’t deserve
to receive anything from me. I put up with all of this shit just to keep my
so-called-friends in my life a bit longer. I’ve always thought to myself, “Be
the bigger person.” I’d always say it’s okay if they’re not nice to you, as
long as you’re nice to them because that’s who you really are.
I have been used, neglected, and left behind many
times before. I know some of us are blinded by our own problems and issues we
don’t see that they only come to us when they need something from us, but I
knew it. And I still played along to their silly games. I did it because at the
time, I thought I needed them more than they needed me. I felt dependent on
other people. I felt like they were responsible for my happiness. So I was
afraid of losing the people who mattered. I was afraid to let go of the people
who I thought I couldn’t live without.
I became an illusion. I became what everyone wanted to
see from me. I tried to live up to every expectation they had for me. I tried
to be perfect. I tried to be what they wanted. I tried so hard to be someone
they needed. But every time I tried, I ended up feeling shittier about myself.
It was wrong. Everything was wrong.
Suddenly I realized I really wasn’t happy. I asked
myself, “Why am I the only one trying?” and “Why I am the only one who has to
adjust to others?” and “Why can’t they do the same for me?” I realized if I
expected everyone to have the same heart as mine, I would end up disappointed.
I realized why I did all those things in the first place despite of me being
miserable. I wanted to belong. I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be wanted and
needed. I wanted everyone to like me. I lived for other people.
It’s about time I thought about myself. I am capable
of living my life without other people trying to drag me down. I am capable of
making my own decisions despite what other think. I learned that it’s okay not
to be okay. It’s about time I stood up for myself. I don’t have to depend on
other people to decide on my happiness. I am capable of being happy just by
being content with myself. I have the strength and courage to finally get what
I want. I don’t mean to say that from now on, I’m a selfish person. What I’m
saying is, you also have to think of yourself.
We all have a right to choose what’s best for us. For
years I’ve been bottling up every bit of emotion I had in me. But the bottle’s
got to pop someday. And finally, it did. It’s time I let go of all the
negativity in my life. It’s time I let go of the people who bring me pain and
sadness. It’s time I trust myself with my own happiness instead of depending it
on others. It’s time I finally speak out. So fuck everyone who ever made me
feel the way I did before. They’re not worth it.
Sometimes you’ve just got to know the people worth
fighting for, living for, and dying for. I choose the people in my life. I’m
free to choose what I want to do. It’s time I let go of the days I felt afraid,
worthless, and unimportant. It’s time I finally live for myself because I know
my life is worth living."
Post ini...post ini bener-bener ngena buat gue. Seakan
post ini adalah curahan hati gue. Penuh emosi. Apa yang gue ingin utarakan ada
di sini...Semuanya..ada.
Waktu gue pertama baca post ini, gue cuma diam dan
terus baca. Seakan gue terus-terusan ngangguk-ngangguk sambil baca, "Hmm
iya, bener, ini gue banget."
Dude, hati gue mencelos.
It's
exactly what i feel!!
Gue merasa ada orang-orang yang hanya datang ke gue
hanya di saat mereka butuh. Tapi, ketika gue butuh mereka, mereka gak ada. Gue
merasa gue sudah banyak berjuang, sampai pada titik lelah, untuk menyenangkan
seseorang. Tapi, dia bahkan gak bisa menilai gue dengan baik. Seakan hanya gue
yang berjuang. Seakan yang gue lakuin selama ini untuk dia hanya bayangan.
Seakan gue invisible.
Gue selalu takut dipandang yang nggak-nggak oleh
orang-orang. Gue harus menjadi baik di depan mereka. Pandangan tentang,
"Gak apa mereka gak baik sama gue. Yang penting gue tetep baik sama
mereka."
Pandangan itu...ada benarnya. Tapi, sakit..
Sakit ketika kita nggak dianggap.
Persis seperti apa yang gue rasain sekarang..karena
sahabat gue. Sahabat gue yang sepertinya akan pergi dari hidup gue.
Gue tau..gue yang salah. Gue udah minta maaf.
Gue udah berjuang, untuk membuat hati dia senang lagi.
Mau jadi sahabat gue lagi.
Tapi nyatanya, gue gak pernah ngerti jalan pikirannya.
Dia seakan menjauh, membiarkan gue berjuang sendirian.
Kalau udah seperti ini, gue cuma bisa mengakhiri
perjuangan gue dengan pilu. Dengan berkata, "Yaudahlah. Emang masanya yang
udah abis," Sambil tersenyum. Menutupi apa yang gue rasain.
Rasa lelah gue terbayar dengan rasa kecewa.
it's the worst feeling ever, guys.
Bahkan menangispun rasanya gak ada guna. Lo terlalu
lelah buat menangis.
.
.
.
Begitulah, gue jadi curcol begini..
Itu arti sebenarnya dari kutipan "Some People
Just Aren't Worth It Anymore".
Gue tau gue lagi terpuruk, dan gue tetap berusaha
ikuti saran yang ada di post yang dibuat oleh Mica Trinidad tersebut, yaitu, lo
hanya perlu jadi diri lo sendiri. Mungkin sekarang lo lagi kecewa. Tapi besok,
akan tiba saatnya lo bahagia, menjadi diri lo sendiri, tanpa gangguan apapun.
Mau saat lo kecewa atau saat bahagia itu tiba, hanya perlu satu kunci,
"Percaya pada diri sendiri."
Doakan gue, semoga semua masalah gue bisa
terselesaikan dengan baik, ya!
Gue akan berusaha mengatasi masalah ini.
Regards,
valey
